He obsesses over green tea but sometimes goes six months without drinking it. He hates shaving but sometimes he feels there is nothing better than a good shave. When he has a girlfriend, he is annoyingly committed. When he is single, he is annoyingly detached. He works out in a gym for two months and then avoids the gym for the next two. He owns the best cell phone on the market until it breaks and then he is phone-less for three months. He used to read every business book he could get his hands on but now he thinks it’s all regurgitated, fucking garbage and refuses to ever read one again. He is paranoid of STDs but he has drunken bouts of unprotected sex. He hates himself in the morning but he seeks the same activity the next night.
He likes being the center of attention in a crowded bar, but he loves being alone in the middle of an American nowhere. He doesn’t call a nice girl back during the week but he drunkenly calls her ten times at 4 AM on a Saturday. He doesn’t want to live to be an old man but he invests money into a retirement account. He describes himself as an animal lover, but he is first in line for a second serving of a juicy steak. He used to be a passionate little altar boy, but now he loathes everything about the Catholic Church. He is one step away from being an atheist, but he secretly wishes he was Jewish just for the camaraderie. He pontificates about openness and tolerance, but he initially despises every USC kid he meets.
He hates his ex-girlfriend but he still masturbates to her. He wants to love a girl again but he also knows the truest sentence he has ever written is: “Once you fuck a girl, she becomes a real person- then it’s over.” He has crazy adventures with his boys, regrets having them, and then craves them all over again. He goes to bed believing he is a good writer but he wakes up thinking he is a terrible one.
Life is too banal the consistent way. Can you blame him?
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